Member-only story
Learning to Tame My Anxiety
Reclaiming my life with mental illness
I recently walked by a clothing store in the mall. I love to wear the clothes they sold, but I hesitated before going inside.
“Go in,” urged the person I was with.
“I can’t,” I said. “If I do, a salesperson will stop to talk to me, and ask what I want, and…”
“Okay. You don’t have to go in.”
I sat down for a minute, gathered my composure, and finally went in, talked to the salesperson, and made a purchase.
Going shopping is normal for most people, but it’s a breakthrough for me. I have anxiety that was diagnosed in my teens, but I only recently got effective treatment for it.
Talk therapy works for a lot of people, but it didn’t entirely work for me. I’d describe my paralyzing fears — being unable to leave my car to walk into a grocery store, for example — and the therapists faltered. It didn’t help that simply going to the appointments made me shake with nervousness. I wasn’t in any condition to reshape my life when I felt terrified.
What finally worked for me was a low dose of an antidepressant that also treats anxiety. I took the plunge and asked my doctor about going on medication after watching a comedy bit Aparna Nancherla did about her depression.
