Thank you for this! I was just kicking around an idea for a story about my perspective on this, and I love how eloquently you put this.
A lot of men just aren’t told by their parents to do certain things, or don’t get the fallout as adults when they don’t. When people come over my home and see a stack of mail on the table or dishes in the sink, they say, “Oh, El, you must be so busy.” I have to mail birthday cards to my husband’s family members, or I’m the one who gets withering glares in my direction. Women are told to be polite, to please, and, as you said, heed the warning lights.